thank you for writing this! i love how every country you’ve lived in now has a piece of you forever carved in the shape it. i hope to move someday soon and i want to see how i manage that. i definitely don’t want to settle but i also don’t want to be a ‘bolter’. i will be thinking about this once i do and reflect <3
What a stunning read! I can relate to this so much as someone who has also tried to find themselves in the various corners of the world. It’s true what they say; if you close the door on your problems, they’ll come in through the window.
I resonate with this one so much. I think we can be quick to assume that moving is “cool” but there’s also something inspiring about staying with intention as well. That being said, I go back and forth between wanting to leave my city and not wanting to leave … which can be tiring in and of itself 😅
it’s a constant battle, even for me!! i think there’s nothing wrong with moving and continuing to experiment with ourselves, but it’s also nice to know that we can stay put and still find wholeness 🤍
This is such an evocative and honest exploration of the expat experience. You’ve perfectly captured that specific, addictive pull of anonymity the 'potential to move somewhere that no one knows me.' I think many of us who have moved across borders recognize that 'playing dress up' with new personas, hoping that a change in geography will finally produce a 'finished product' of a person.
Your description of your transformations from the 'wellness' of LA to the worldly sophistication of Milan is so relatable. It’s easy to mistake the atmosphere of a city for a permanent change in our own character. But your realization that 'the only place where you exist is inside of yourself' is the hard-won wisdom that only comes after the exhaustion of packing too many suitcases.The way you’ve reframed your past selves—not as failed experiments, but as an 'amalgamation' of beauty, solitude, and flavor—is beautiful. It’s a reminder that we don’t have to 'find' a place that aligns with our true selves; we have to build a self that can be at home anywhere. Thank you for this 'un-hurry' of a story. It’s a relief to be reminded that we can stop running and just... be. Loved this piece so much!!💌💫
this is such a lovely comment - thank you so much for taking the time to share your thoughts 🤍 it’s lovely to hear that so many people have had similar experiences of being pulled in multiple directions or playing dress up with ourselves!! i think it’s common for creative folks to deal with multiple (sometimes conflicting) dreams and career paths
Whilst I, in some ways, love my apartment life in Dubai. I'm questioning whether the trade off was worth it. I'm genuinely starting to wonder if I'd be happier in that Milan apartment.
Reminds me so much of the quote “wherever you go, there you are.” As someone who moved abroad previously to “find myself” only to find myself battling the same identity crises in another zip code, this rings too true. Lovely reflective read!
64+ countries and counting, and for me, it only feels like home when I can be myself. The catch is that with anything different, you feel the pressure to adapt, to fit or blend in, either for safety, survival, etc., and I don't know if I'll ever find a place where I truly feel at peace. Not for lack of trying, though!
“We find ourselves in the quiet of our minds, not in the places we inhabit. We can fall in love with ourselves wherever we are.” This piece has such a beautiful message and writing is amazing <3
Hello Anya ! I've relocated 5 times - lived in Spain, Italy and France and now living my best life in South Africa. Reading your post made me think on the different kinds of beauty that have shaped my way of seeing the world. I'm more and more sure, with some pain in my heart, that my journey only can be understood only by those who have done the same thing.
The best advise someone has told me is in every move, to decorate my home as it was the definitive one, in order to live, love and learn fully of the experience.
Thank you for this!! I feel like there is this narrative that you have to move to “find yourself.” But moving is not going to magically do that… beautiful writing and a beautiful piece ❤️
I'm not sure I've read a post on Substack that resonated with me as deeply as yours. I've been nomadic for the past 19 months and anticipate doing so for the next couple of years.
One of favorite things to read and write about is the psychology of location and self - which you captured beautifully.
I know the feeling somehow…
thank you for writing this! i love how every country you’ve lived in now has a piece of you forever carved in the shape it. i hope to move someday soon and i want to see how i manage that. i definitely don’t want to settle but i also don’t want to be a ‘bolter’. i will be thinking about this once i do and reflect <3
thank you so much for reading it!! good luck with your potential move, it’s always such a beautiful opportunity to know yourself better ♥️
What a stunning read! I can relate to this so much as someone who has also tried to find themselves in the various corners of the world. It’s true what they say; if you close the door on your problems, they’ll come in through the window.
i’ve never heard that quote but i love that so much - grass always seems greener but it’s often not
I resonate with this one so much. I think we can be quick to assume that moving is “cool” but there’s also something inspiring about staying with intention as well. That being said, I go back and forth between wanting to leave my city and not wanting to leave … which can be tiring in and of itself 😅
it’s a constant battle, even for me!! i think there’s nothing wrong with moving and continuing to experiment with ourselves, but it’s also nice to know that we can stay put and still find wholeness 🤍
This is such an evocative and honest exploration of the expat experience. You’ve perfectly captured that specific, addictive pull of anonymity the 'potential to move somewhere that no one knows me.' I think many of us who have moved across borders recognize that 'playing dress up' with new personas, hoping that a change in geography will finally produce a 'finished product' of a person.
Your description of your transformations from the 'wellness' of LA to the worldly sophistication of Milan is so relatable. It’s easy to mistake the atmosphere of a city for a permanent change in our own character. But your realization that 'the only place where you exist is inside of yourself' is the hard-won wisdom that only comes after the exhaustion of packing too many suitcases.The way you’ve reframed your past selves—not as failed experiments, but as an 'amalgamation' of beauty, solitude, and flavor—is beautiful. It’s a reminder that we don’t have to 'find' a place that aligns with our true selves; we have to build a self that can be at home anywhere. Thank you for this 'un-hurry' of a story. It’s a relief to be reminded that we can stop running and just... be. Loved this piece so much!!💌💫
this is such a lovely comment - thank you so much for taking the time to share your thoughts 🤍 it’s lovely to hear that so many people have had similar experiences of being pulled in multiple directions or playing dress up with ourselves!! i think it’s common for creative folks to deal with multiple (sometimes conflicting) dreams and career paths
I definitely resonated with it as an expat myself! Thank you for sharing your amazing work🤍
im so so glad!!
Whilst I, in some ways, love my apartment life in Dubai. I'm questioning whether the trade off was worth it. I'm genuinely starting to wonder if I'd be happier in that Milan apartment.
it’s so hard to know unless you take the leap and try it!!
Reminds me so much of the quote “wherever you go, there you are.” As someone who moved abroad previously to “find myself” only to find myself battling the same identity crises in another zip code, this rings too true. Lovely reflective read!
thanks so much for reading and love that quote - a great reminder!!
64+ countries and counting, and for me, it only feels like home when I can be myself. The catch is that with anything different, you feel the pressure to adapt, to fit or blend in, either for safety, survival, etc., and I don't know if I'll ever find a place where I truly feel at peace. Not for lack of trying, though!
wow, that’s amazing!! great point - when we feel out of place, we’ll never truly feel at ease as well
As someone who was moved from place to place during my formative years I really related to this post just maybe from a different perspective.
Now all I long for is a place to call home forevermore, as much as I love travel, I crave familiarity. 🥹♥️
As a nomadic traveler and someone who looks for the “right place” and homes around the world I so see myself in this essay. Such a great read!
that’s so wonderful to hear, so glad that it was relatable for you!!
A beautiful and refreshing piece to read about what it means--and doesn't--to live in different places 🤎
thank you so much for reading ♥️
“We find ourselves in the quiet of our minds, not in the places we inhabit. We can fall in love with ourselves wherever we are.” This piece has such a beautiful message and writing is amazing <3
thank you so much, that means a lot 🤍
Hello Anya ! I've relocated 5 times - lived in Spain, Italy and France and now living my best life in South Africa. Reading your post made me think on the different kinds of beauty that have shaped my way of seeing the world. I'm more and more sure, with some pain in my heart, that my journey only can be understood only by those who have done the same thing.
The best advise someone has told me is in every move, to decorate my home as it was the definitive one, in order to live, love and learn fully of the experience.
Looking forward what comes next!
this is so beautiful - thank you so much for reading, and im so glad that this piece found you!!
i love the advice to live fully in each place, hope your time in South Africa has been wonderful 🤍
Thank you for this!! I feel like there is this narrative that you have to move to “find yourself.” But moving is not going to magically do that… beautiful writing and a beautiful piece ❤️
yes absolutely!!
thanks so much for reading and for sharing your thoughts ♥️
Buenos Dias !
I'm not sure I've read a post on Substack that resonated with me as deeply as yours. I've been nomadic for the past 19 months and anticipate doing so for the next couple of years.
One of favorite things to read and write about is the psychology of location and self - which you captured beautifully.
Thank you.
Have a wonderful day <3
this was the sweetest comment to read - thank you so so much!! i’m so glad this piece found you 🤍
i also can’t believe you’ve been nomadic for 19 months now! what an incredible adventure, can’t wait to read more about it!!
I'm also still finding myself. Our most of the thoughts aren't even ours fr so it's really hard. This is a honest piece! Love your work...
thank you so much, you worded it so well - we don’t even control all of our own thoughts